Adult Dating History

We asked a bunch of men what the grosses thing their adult dating partner has ever done to them or in front of them etc. Here are some of this hilarious and disgusting responses we got.

“Once I invited my girlfriend to come shower with me in hopes of having sex. Instead she showered normally and decided to pee in front of me. She justified it by saying she was saving water.”

“I usually enjoy massaging my girlfriend’s feet, but one day when she lifted those puppies up onto my lap I couldn’t even touch them. They were covered in callouses. No PedEgg would be able to save her.”

“I was fast asleep in bed with my girlfriend. She got up to go to the bathroom and broke wind REALLY loud while walking to the other room. It was so loud that it woke me up and the stench lingered in the air for hours; I couldn’t fall back asleep.”

“One day my girlfriend and I happened to be in the same area around lunchtime so we decided to meet up for lunch and have a quickie. she went to the washroom first and met up with me right after. Everything was going fine until I flipped her over and saw toilet paper stuck to her bum, with, remnants on it”.

Yes, I watch MTV‘s show Jersey Shore. It is the best worst show on television. It is like watching a car-wreck happen; I can’t look away. However, it hit me the other day, the young generation of today is watching Jersey Shore for all of the wrong reasons and are taking all the wrong lessons from the show. Let me explain.

1. Sex

Growing up I was always told I should wait until I fell in love and had a girlfriend before I had sex for the first time. Of course, when I was in high school those “rules” were changed slightly, but I still lost my virginity to a girl that I was dating, and we ended up staying together for a little over a year.

The kids (adults) on Jersey Shore treat sex like a hobby or past time. They have no emotional connections, and fuck just for the sake of fucking. It’s sad really because the youth of today are probably watching the show and thinking that these actions are the norm. THEY AREN’T. Don’t think because Snooki decides to “do sex” one night that you can go out and sleep with anyone you want. These JS kids are not normal and are on a television show.

2. The English Language

These dumb ass kids are clearly not educated. Using words like “smush” to describe sex and “twinning” to describe bringing home twins to “smush” makes me cringe. Whats even worse is hearing teens on the streets use these words in actual sentences. They’ve also created a bunch of new and ridiculous abbreviations such as but not limited to: GTL, DTF, FTD, GFA, IFF and MIA. Ugly women are “grenades” and daily routines are summed up into one abbreviation:GTL- gym, tan, laundry. Somewhere all of the great philosophers who ever lived are rolling in their graves.

3. Dating

The way dating is portrayed on the show is between Ronnie and Sammie. They beat each other up, get obliterated drunk and verbally abuse the shit out of each other and spend all night “making up” in bed and repeat the whole scenario again the next night. This is not normal behavior. This is abusive behavior, but young people are watching it and they are thinking it is normal, which leads to an increase in abusive relationships. Great, way to go MTV.

4. Enjoying an Alcoholic Beverage

Everyone on the show sleeps until 2 in the afternoon, and go clubbing all night until the wee hours of the morning. They drink as much as humanly possible (maybe even more) and glorify the fact that they are drunk/hungover/drunk and getting laid/ drunk and fighting/drunk and basically anything.

They live their lives on TV like a constant frat party. Of course, someone of my age an intelligence knows that these kids probably don’t live every day of their lives like that and MTV edits a lot of shit together to make for more on-air drama, but young kids don’t know that. They take everything at face value. So many kids go out and party like idiots because of this show. I’m not saying I was a saint back in the day, but I knew my limit and I wasn’t sick and hungover every single day.

If the man you are dating were a cartoon character, what character would he be most similar to?

1. George of the Jungle – Extremely well built, willing to do anything for his woman but has a few screws loose. Maybe he fell from a few trees.

2. Woody Woodpecker – Life of the party, loud and outgoing but a little annoying at times. It’s as if he’s on a constant coke binge.

3. Donald Duck – He’s cynical, loves to roll his eyes and walk around with no pants on. He is a true man, and not ashamed to display his body.

4. Underdog- He is sweet and underestimated. He is constantly trying to woo you, and will put on a brave face to defend your honor any day.

5. Popeye – Sex with him is amazing; he has so much energy from the healthy food he is constantly eating. He is also in great shape and sticks by his one true love until the day he dies.