Adult Dating History

It is never a good feeling to have, but it does happen. You’re finally dating a man that you genuinely like – possibly even love – and you get the feeling he doesn’t feel the same way. Maybe its the fact the he just got out of a long term relationship, or he is in some way still in contact with his ex. These following steps may shed some light on whether he is over his ex or not. Keep in mind, these are just possibilities – NOT hard facts.

1: If he’s constantly texting her.

If your man is in contact with his ex on a regular basis it does not mean he still has feelings. If he is constantly checking his phone to see if she has messages or refuses to show you the texts if you ask to see what they are talking about then you may have a problem on your hands.

2: If they attend a wedding together.

Okay, so they used to date for a while and probably have a lot of mutual friends who are getting married. It only makes sense that they attend the wedding as each other’s plus ones. However, if the thought of them dancing together, drinking together and possibly spending the night together makes your stomach turn than your should mention this to your man. If he has any sense at all he will take you as his date to the wedding.

3: If he talks bad about her.

Of course you don’t want to hear your man sing praises about his ex, however if he is constantly bad mouthing her that may be a defense mechanism on his part. Maybe his ex hurt him and he never fully got over it. Maybe his lashing out about her is his way of secretly saying he misses her. The point is, he is with you and you should be the only woman on his mind.

4: If he screams her name during sex.

Kidding, This is an obvious one.

Don’t Be Too Passive

Men like taking the aggressive role in relationships, but being with a women who doesn’t EVER try to be the aggressor can be a huge turnoff. Being passive-aggressive and agreeing with everything your dating partner says will get you no where in that relationship, and in life in general.

Slow Response Time

If it takes you forever to respond to email, texts etc. because you are genuinely busy – then ignore what I’m about to say. If you purposely wait a certain amount of time to respond to a text because you don’t want to seem too eager, you could still be hurting yourself. It may seem as if you are uninterested, which will turn him off in a second.

Constant Teasing

Teasing your man with dirty texts, saucy pictures, and talk of what you would like to do with him is all well and good. But the whole point of teasing is that finally there is a “give in” point. Then the sex begins. Thats how it is supposed to happen – everyone knows that. But if your constantly tease your man and never give in, he will eventually grow bored and find someone else. I know it sounds harsh, but thats life.

Rescheduling

If you are constantly “busy” for dates or having to reschedule as an attempt to make him think you actually have a life outside of work and Facebook lurking, then think again. This attempt to make yourself look cool will only backfire in the end. You have to put effort into building a relationship, and if you aren’t willing to do your part, he wont want to do his.

Being Too Vague

No one expects you to divulge into every deep detail of your life, especially when you’ve first started seeing someone, but there is something annoying about being way too vague about every detail in your life. Its not mysterious and sexy, its kind of creepy.

The urgency of romance is lost in the ease with which technology allows us to communicate. What with Facebook, Twitter, etc. everyone these days seems to prefer texting over making phone calls. Why is that? Making a phone call is much easier to do. It takes up less time, and will save your thumbs from getting carpel tunnel at a young age.

People love sending music video clips to each other, sex texting each other, etc. but I say this has to stop. Sometimes we get caught up in our dirty texts that we become too shy to actually make a move “in real life”. Sure, we can talk about all of the dirty things we want to do to each other, but actually acting out on our previously mentioned desires always fall short. Why is that?

It’s because of the comfort that “hiding behind a screen” gives us. Its because of the same reason that chatting online with people is WAY easier than chatting to someone “in real life”.

How sad is that? Many of us would much rather use technology as a primary means of communication. I say boycott this. Stop sexting me and get into my bed, already! You’re all text and no action. I want to see some action here, god dammit! We are dating each other, you aren’t a stranger!

Yes, I watch MTV‘s show Jersey Shore. It is the best worst show on television. It is like watching a car-wreck happen; I can’t look away. However, it hit me the other day, the young generation of today is watching Jersey Shore for all of the wrong reasons and are taking all the wrong lessons from the show. Let me explain.

1. Sex

Growing up I was always told I should wait until I fell in love and had a girlfriend before I had sex for the first time. Of course, when I was in high school those “rules” were changed slightly, but I still lost my virginity to a girl that I was dating, and we ended up staying together for a little over a year.

The kids (adults) on Jersey Shore treat sex like a hobby or past time. They have no emotional connections, and fuck just for the sake of fucking. It’s sad really because the youth of today are probably watching the show and thinking that these actions are the norm. THEY AREN’T. Don’t think because Snooki decides to “do sex” one night that you can go out and sleep with anyone you want. These JS kids are not normal and are on a television show.

2. The English Language

These dumb ass kids are clearly not educated. Using words like “smush” to describe sex and “twinning” to describe bringing home twins to “smush” makes me cringe. Whats even worse is hearing teens on the streets use these words in actual sentences. They’ve also created a bunch of new and ridiculous abbreviations such as but not limited to: GTL, DTF, FTD, GFA, IFF and MIA. Ugly women are “grenades” and daily routines are summed up into one abbreviation:GTL- gym, tan, laundry. Somewhere all of the great philosophers who ever lived are rolling in their graves.

3. Dating

The way dating is portrayed on the show is between Ronnie and Sammie. They beat each other up, get obliterated drunk and verbally abuse the shit out of each other and spend all night “making up” in bed and repeat the whole scenario again the next night. This is not normal behavior. This is abusive behavior, but young people are watching it and they are thinking it is normal, which leads to an increase in abusive relationships. Great, way to go MTV.

4. Enjoying an Alcoholic Beverage

Everyone on the show sleeps until 2 in the afternoon, and go clubbing all night until the wee hours of the morning. They drink as much as humanly possible (maybe even more) and glorify the fact that they are drunk/hungover/drunk and getting laid/ drunk and fighting/drunk and basically anything.

They live their lives on TV like a constant frat party. Of course, someone of my age an intelligence knows that these kids probably don’t live every day of their lives like that and MTV edits a lot of shit together to make for more on-air drama, but young kids don’t know that. They take everything at face value. So many kids go out and party like idiots because of this show. I’m not saying I was a saint back in the day, but I knew my limit and I wasn’t sick and hungover every single day.

Have you ever been in an adult dating relationship where you discovered that the man or woman you were dating was spying on you? Did you catch them reading your list of protected Tweets, or were they reading your private messages on Facebook? Did you leave your cell phone out one day only to catch them flipping through your text messages with friends of the opposite sex?

Clearly the man or woman you are dating had extreme commitment issues, self-esteem issues and trust issues. Even if you are giving him or her no reason to believe you are cheating or doing anything inappropriate or negative to destroy the relationship, your partner will continue to search for things to prove otherwise.

This is what we in the industry like to call a person who is addicted to drama. Maybe they had a destructive relationship before they started dating you and they aren’t sure how to deal with the normalcy that is your relationship. Maybe they found out that you have cheated in your past on past boyfriends/girlfriends and they are having a hard time trusting that you won’t cheat on them. Or maybe they are cheating on you and feel guilty so their way of dealing with it is to constantly find ways to blame you for unnecessary reasons. Their train of though is “if my partner feels bad about themselves, they’ll never suspect my cheating.” Well if you or anyone you know acts this way, they are wrong. They are creating an unhealthy relationship environment for the both of you, and personally I would highly suggest leaving that relationship.

Sure you may love him or her, sure they may be really good looking, but if you find yourself dreading going home after work because you have to deal with your partner’s immaturities, this should be a red flag that you need out.

Dating someone who is divorced is highly common, especially in this day in age when the divorce rate is 50/50. Dating someone who is divorced is really not a big deal. It is basically just a legal break-up. However, there are some thing you should prepare yourself for depending on how long your adult dating prospect was married for, etc.

1. They May Have Excess Baggage

Dating a divorcee is fine, however you should be prepared to deal with anything they have to bring to the table i.e. their ex, their children (if that is the case), possible commitment issues and lack of time to spend with you.

2. The Ex

Not every divorce ends horribly, so your new partner may still be in touch with his or her ex. Also, if they have children together they will have to spend some time together. Dealing with an ex can be a huge deal breaker for many people, so you should decide right away if your willing to deal with it.

3. The Children

Not every divorcee has children, but if your partner does you should take into consideration the amount of time he or she will be spending with their children. If you are dating a woman, she will probably have more custody over the children – again, every situation is different. Also, you need to decide what is best and how you should introduce yourself into the relationship – it is never a good idea to come on too strong when children are involved.

4. Relationship Needs

Divorce can affect people in different ways. Because of it your partner may be a commitment-phobe, or they may be extra clingy, or they may be perfectly normal. It is jsut a good idea to keep these things in mind before you jump to conclusions about someone.

5. Experience

Depending on how long your partner was married, they may feel more experienced and worldly in the area of relationships and this may cause you two to butt heads. They may feel like they have experienced things that you have not. You can look at this positively or negatively – your choice.

Sometimes, in order to solve a problem, you need to step outside of your body and listen to the words that are coming out of your mouth. You may not realize it, but sometimes you are answering your own questions just by ranting about certain issues in your life. I.e. dating or sex troubles.

If I lost you in my crazy-first-paragraph-thought let me re-explain the situation. Sometimes girls need to rant. When females experience trouble with the opposite sex, their first instinct is to hang out with their closest girl friends and complain, whine, basically get everything out of their system to their closest friends.

Recently, I had to be the “shoulder to cry on” to one of my female friends who was going through a semi-breakup, but she wasn’t sure if she should do it or not, seeing as she still had feelings for her ex. She would say certain senteces to me that made her relationship sound horrible. You know you shouldnt stay in a relationship when part of your rant includes sentences like “I feel depressed when I am with him”, “When we were on a break I felt so happy”, and my personal favourite “He guilts me into feeling like a horrible person”.

Who would still date someone after saying those sentences. Granted, they could only be semi-true sentences that are sprinkled with a few white lies in order to be overly-dramatic on purpose (apparently this helps the healing process). I will never understand women one hundred percent.

It seems as if the cycle of becoming engaged is constantly changing. I know my parents got engaged and married in their early twenties, and my grandparents in their teens! Then for a while it was more common to wait until your 30s to make the commitment; which seems like a logical idea. When you’re in your 30s, your career is more stable, you are more financially stable for the most part, and you are more ready to have a family (if that is in the cards for you). Now kids are deciding to get married in their teens and twenties. The cycle fulfilled itself already. Is it because we live in a world where sporadic and spontaneous decisions are accepted without question? It is because we live in a society where divorce is not frowned upon, but looked at as an easy way out of a marriage? Is it because we live in a world where it is common to have 2+ marriages so young kids think it doesn’t matter if they mess up their first time around? All of these variables are my guesses as to why someone would want to rush into a quick marriage. Personally, I would never rush it.

Usually celebrities and famous Hollywood socialites are known for being the ones to rush into marriage. Marriages that last for hours, day, months if they’re lucky. But what ever happened to long term dating? Adult dating relationships can really determine whether you should be in a relationship or not. The “honeymoon stage” doesn’t last forever. Just ask Jennifer Lopez. She has had three failed marriages, now that her and Marc Anthony are filing for divorce, and she clearly has not learned her lesson. Another famous couple for rushing into things, Katy Perry and Russell Brand, are rumored to be headed toward splitsville. Not a shocker, but the question is, would it have lasted if they took the time to wait and get to know each other better? I guess if you live life “in the fast lane” and have the mindset that “you only live once” then rushing into anything isn’t a bad idea at all. To each their own.

So you went and did something to upset the guy you’re dating. Maybe you went and hung out with an old male friend that you know you’re boyfriend doesn’t like. Maybe you told him that you didn’t like that new song he wrote, or his voice isn’t as good as he thinks it is. Either way, now you have to “man up” and make the situation better. Apologize before the situation can be held as a grudge later on in your adult dating relationship. I know saying sorry isn’t the easiest thing in the world, but here are a few tips you can take to make your guy feel better.

Be sincere. You might as well not even apologize if you’re going to do it without being sincere. That is the equivalent to pouring salt in the wound. Your man needs to know you truly feel bad for what you did. You don’t have to grovel and beg, just make sure he knows you really mean it.

Actions speak louder than words. Sometimes saying sorry just isn’t enough. Try doing something for your boyfriend that you know he will appreciate. Surprise him with a coffee and donut from his favourite coffee house while he’s working. Bring him a beer and rent his favourite movie so you can have a nice night in together. If he sees that you’re trying really hard to win him back, he will forgive you.

Don’t do it again. If you messed up with something really stupid the first time. Don’t do it again. You will just end up in hot water and this could potentially break your relationship.

Make it mean something. Don’t say sorry every time something little goes wrong. Only apologize for actions that are actually your fault. The more often the word “I’m sorry” get used, the less meaning they have.

When you’ve decided its time to end your adult dating relationship, there are many ways you can go about breaking up with your partner. Some ways may seem easier than others, but they’re usually cop-outs and will do more harm than good. If you finally figure out a way to break up with your girl/boyfriend and it feels like its going to be extremely hard, that is completely normal and that feeling probably means you are choosing to go about the situation in the best way possible. Here are some pointers to ensure the breakup goes as civil as possible. Feelings will be hurt, but its your goal not to make it as bad as possible.

Never be passive about breaking up. People, usually men, try and get their significant other to break up with them subconsciously. They believe that this method will save them the mess of having to do the break-up themselves, when in fact, it’s probably the worst idea ever.

Don’t wait too long to end it. If you’ve already realized you aren’t in love with the person you’re dating anymore and they are obviously not showing you the same feelings, you need to end it. The longer you wait, the worse the situation will get.

You will also need to have a brutally honest talk with your partner. As tough as this may sound, it will be the best thing for both of you. You partner will want answers, especially if the break-up is coming out of nowhere, and telling the raw honest truth is just the easiest, mess-free option. Don’t try and spare any hurt feeling, because there will always be hurt feelings. the difference with being upfront and honest about the end of the relationship is that the hurt feelings won’t last for long. You will eventually get over each other and move on.

Your partner will probably be more than upset, possibly extremely angry. But just remember, once the anger passes your partner will be glad that you handled the situation the way you did, and they will be thankful that you weren’t a complete douche about it. This will cause them to have more respect for you even though the relationship is over. It’s always best to leave on good terms.