The Five Most Disturbing Sex Toys

Sex toys are beautiful things. We can use on ourselves, on our ladies, or on both of us together. The majority are sophisticated, sleek, sexy items that make us feel nothing but good. But if you search deep into the adult dating history archives, you will find an array of rather frightening sex play things.

Here’s a compilation of the top five most disturbing fuck toys we’ve ever come across:

1. Pony on Wheels Driving a Plastic Dildo

It’s a child’s toy gone horrifyingly wrong! It looks like Little Pony is out to get his revenge on all you naughty girls that used to abused him when you were young. How does this work exactly? She opens her legs and you drive it in? I don’t think this thing is safe.

2. Robotic Vagina

Um, this is supposed to be a ‘robotic vagina’, but really, it looks more like something made to crush a man’s balls or eat pubic hair. I’m definitely keeping my dick far, far away from that thing.

3. Purple Thunder

First of all, that shade of purple frightens me. But more importantly, why is full of spikes? WHY?!

4. Beer Can Blow Job

Um, this blow job has teeth. And it’s in a beer can. Because that’s what every dude wants, a teethy round of beer can head. By the way, that mouth frightens the crap out of me – really, I feel like it screams cannibal.

5. The All in One

It’s a penis! It’s a vagina! It’s boobs! I can only imagine that this sex toy was invented for serial killers, in the hopes that after they’ve fucked this plastic mish mash of parts they’ll no longer want to go out and cut a real human being into pieces.